60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.
50° F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.
40° F: Italian & English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down.
32° F: Distilled water freezes. Maine's Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20° F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15° F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0° F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close the windows.
10° below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.
25° below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.
40° below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100° below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their "kahs."
460° below zero: All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in New England start saying, "cold 'nuff for ya?"
500° below zero: Hell freezes over. The Red Sox win the World Series.